Tag Archives: fatherhood

More on Fatherhood with Tim Bayly

Daddy_Tried-baseball.jpgQ: You readily acknowledge the fact that we’ve all had imperfect fathers. What would you say to those who are still blaming their fathers for their own failures?

A: Meditate on the judgement seat of God and try to imagine yourself standing there and complaining to God about the father He gave you. Since Adam, every man’s father has been a real sinner. Think of the patriarchs Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Each was a sinner and their sins are recorded in Scripture. Think of King David. Think of the Apostle Peter.

Recognize that your life will soon be over and you will give an account to God for your stewardship of your fatherhood. On that day, you will not be able to excuse your own failures by pointing your finger at anyone else. Not your father. Not your mother. Not your son. Not your daughter. And certainly not your wife. God will not tolerate your complaining, but also, it’s not manly. Do you really want to spend your life whining?

Q: You make a connection between manhood, sonship and fatherhood. Explain to us why that connection is so important to being a successful father.

A: If I can change the question a little, I didn’t make the connection between manhood, sonship, and fatherhood. God did. He is the One who chose to write His own Fatherhood and Sonship on one half of the race of man and to write motherhood on the other half. Fatherhood and sonship flow from manhood just as motherhood and daughterhood flow from womanhood. Our sex is our destiny given us by God, and He will hold us accountable for our stewardship of that destiny in our sonship and fatherhood.

Q: What can wives do to help their husbands better fulfill their role as fathers? What about sons and daughters, how can they help?

A: Well, this is the million-dollar question, but here are some thoughts.

WIVES: Don’t nag, but pray. Don’t become bitter, but sweeten up. Don’t try to fill in the gaps in you and your children’s emotional lives by doubling down on your own intimacy with your children. Teach your children to honor their father, and honor and submit to him yourself without complaining or giving subtle looks that tell your children your resentment. Explain to your husband that you wonder if he loves you because real love between a man and his wife is as emotionally intimate as it is physically intimate. Ask your husband to go with you to meet with the pastor; tell him that there are some things you’d like the pastor’s help explaining to him. Don’t baby him. Ask questions that are open-ended. Study him. Learn his fears.

Pray for your husband. Neither parade nor hide his failures. Don’t use your emotional intelligence to show him up in front of your children. Let him make mistakes. Sometimes, you’ll be surprised to find out he was right. Many men learn fatherhood by watching their wife’s motherhood and doing what helps and strengthens and protects her.

SONS AND DAUGHTERS: Pray for your father. Each day, make sure you tell him you love him and give him a sincere smile. Both sons and daughters should do these things. Obey your father. Speak to him respectfully and don’t ever play your mother off against him. When he says no, don’t go to your mother and get a yes. Fatherhood is very hard work. God is the Pattern for that work so fathers never stop seeing their failures. Encourage them in their work.

For more information visit https://DaddyTriedbook.com

Helping Fathers Part 2

Part 2 of Q&A with Tim Bayly, author of Daddy Tried

timbaylyQ: Your father was a notable author and pastor and you freely draw from your family experiences throughout the book. What are a couple of things that you learned about fatherhood through his example?

A: I was the second of five brothers. Three of them died – one from leukemia, one cystic fibrosis, and my older brother from a Christmas sledding accident. Watching both of my parents deal with their pain while maintaining an unwavering faith though it all was instrumental in shaping my idea of fatherhood. My remaining brother and I grew up hearing them say they were never as certain of God’s love as when they walked away from the fresh grave of one of their children.

Secondly, recognizing Dad’s love for me when he kicked me out of his house. I was nineteen and one Saturday morning he quietly said to me, “Tim, you are not honoring God and you may not live in my home any longer.” I tell the longer version in the book, but Dad never loved me more faithfully than that day, and I came to learn what it meant to fear the Lord above yielding to the fears of men.

Q: Obviously, your family had a personal experience with grief. What would you say to fathers who have been crippled by personal loss of a loved one?

A: Grief is hard work that must not be avoided. If it is avoided, you and your loved ones will pay a steep price. Mourn. Shed tears. Be weak and be quiet. Take your grief to God in prayer. Get good at noticing how God uses your suffering to help others. Suffering is a gift from the hand of our loving Heavenly Father. Thank God for His care for you and your loved ones because giving thanks will inoculate you against bitterness.

Q: What is the most important advice that you would give to a young father today?

A; Don’t be afraid. Our Heavenly Father specializes in making the stupid wise, the weak strong, and the fearful bold as lions. You are the perfect man to be the husband of your wife and the father of your children. Throw out your video games, drop out of fantasy football, stop looking at Facebook, close your laptop, confess your sin to your elders, ask them to pray for you, then enjoy your kids.

Q: Apart from a man’s personal responsibility to his own children, what would you say to any man about his role in society and how he can help shape the next generation of fathers?

A: Be willing to take responsibility outside your home. Serve as an elder or deacon of your church and take responsibility for guarding God’s truth as well as the souls in your congregation.

Outside your home and church, if there’s an accident and someone needs help, step in and do what is needed. Give to the poor. Help the widows and orphans. Protect the weak and defenseless from the attack of the wicked. Always speak up in defense of God and His truth, and do it cheerfully. Remember that everywhere you go you are being copied and followed by other men who are learning to be fathers themselves.

Whether or not God has blessed him with children, father is what every man is and his fatherhood is needed as much outside the home as it is inside the home.

For more information please visit https://DaddyTriedbook.com

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Overcoming the Failures of Fatherhood

Daddy_Tried-baseball.jpgFor millions more, the father may be there in body but is checked out emotionally. Arguably, the institution of the family, and specifically fatherhood, has never been in such a mess. Absentee fathers, angry fathers, abusive fathers, apathetic fathers, addicted fathers are just a few of the categorical labels applied to a role intended by God to be a position of honor, a source of provision, a place of protection, and a voice of guidance and justice within both the family unit and society at large.

The outlook for fatherhood appears bleak, but is there yet hope for this vital societal role? Is there a road to recovery, a path to victory? Tim Bayly thinks so. In his new book, Daddy Tried: Overcoming the Failures of Fatherhood [Warhorn Media, June, 2016] he offers a frank, yet hope-filled path to overcoming the inherent failures of imperfect men and to reclaiming manhood, sonship, fatherhood and the men called Daddy.

From the Fall to the Cross, Bayly leads his reader through God’s redemptive plan for fathers often drawing from decades of his own journey as an imperfect son, father and pastor. As is the case with all of our societal ills and human failures, Pastor Bayly makes it clear that there are no quick fixes and that this road to recovery is not without a generous portion of blood, sweat and tears. But that was the same path of the Savior wasn’t it?

“It is worth pointing out that God, with unparalleled authority, unlimited power and unequaled resources has chosen, in His providence, to transform and use broken and impotent humanity to accomplish His purposes,” offers Bayly. “Fathers play a pivotal role in God’s plan for the family and virtually every part of society. We can’t afford to ignore them and simply hope that things will get better. I’m convinced the effort and sacrifice required to fulfill our divinely mandated role as fathers is worth it, even when we fail, and we will fail.”

Daddy Tried is unapologetically a book for men and the male-only club of fatherhood. With the only Perfect Father as a guide, it stares the imperfections of every father squarely in the face, offering a clear path to overcoming the failures of fathers past, present and future.

For more information visit https://DaddyTriedbook.com