Tag Archives: abuse awareness

Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse Survivors Have a Voice

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and Shannon M. Deitz, author, speaker, and founder of Hopeful Hearts Ministry offers hope to survivors. One in every four women is beaten or raped by a partner during adulthood. One in every four girls and nearly one in every six boys will be sexually abused before the age of 18. Until recent years, these widespread problems were rarely made public.

Through the I Have a Voice video project, Dietz encourages survivors to give voice to their pasts. This crucial project consists of ten intensely moving videos, all with a collective purpose to help survivors recognize the abuse they have suffered and expose the truth. Through this they understand they are not alone and that abuse does not define them. The survivor can overcome being a victim and realize the full potential of their lives moving forward. In the most recent video, Victoria shares her difficult story: “I was told all my life that I didn’t matter, I heard it so much that is all I knew and I believed it. I believed I was worthless. But I know better now. I know God loves me and has a future for me”.

Through an online survey Deitz conducted new data and revealed interesting information regarding domestic abuse survivors. 98% of survivors polled indicated that they had suffered abuse by a family member during childhood. Deitz comments “I found that women who have suffered through domestic violence in past relationships have lost nearly all sense of identity and the natural boundaries that come with simple dignity and self-respect. They suffered mental and psychological abuse before the abuse ever turned physical.”

Many survivors of domestic violence also suffered some form of mental and emotional abuse or neglect during their childhood. With this in mind Hopeful Hearts has added a support group program on the topic of boundaries as well as a self-defense course that includes a focus on inner strength and self-worth.

Deitz recently shared her story with a group of incarcerated women. “The universal language of those who have suffered abuse enables Shannon Deitz to speak to their hearts. This was amazingly demonstrated during her recent speaking engagement at the Carol Young Unit of Texas Department of Criminal Justice. Female inmates are the epitome of women who have been the victims of every imaginable abuse for the majority of their lives. Shannon quickly connected with them in a way no one ever has,” comments Deacon Sid Cammeresi.

Raising public awareness of the prevalence and the insidious nature of abuse is vital. People may not realize that domestic violence rarely begins with actual violence. More often, it starts with emotional and verbal abuse. This erodes their self-confidence and self-worth and causes the victim to question their instincts. Ultimately, this dominance can turn to violence when the victim begins to show signs of defiance. “Most domestic violence fatalities occur when the victim has left the abuser,” comments Deitz.

Abuse changes things forever, but healing is possible if the choice is made to overcome the victim mentality and work hard to become a survivor.

To hear Victoria’s story please click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Thwe-b947Hg&feature=em-share_video_user
For more information please visit www.HopefulHeartsMinistry.com.

Hopeful Hearts Ministry is a faith-based 501 c3 non-profits which supports the long-term recovery of survivors of all forms of abuse through peer support sessions, counseling, programs that empower, and public awareness services.

Overcoming Fear to Fight Abuse

Q&A with Abuse Survivor and Founder of Hopeful Hearts Shannon M. Deitz
As a sexual abuse survivor I know first hand the pain that abuse brings, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Survivors want to know they are being heard and that they will be safe and protected. We do not need to be silenced because our situation makes others feel uncomfortable. To the contrary, we need people around us who are willing to listen and willing to stand up for us if we choose to go public. This focus in April is important because the more people who become aware of just how prevalent this problem is in our country, the more beneficial it will be for everyone. Being able to share our story with others serves to help prevent future abuse from taking place. If there is a survivor in your midst, be willing to listen. Be willing to hear their story.          Shannon M. Deitz

What do people need to understand about sexual assault and child abuse? How have these tragic crimes continued to take place and have they grown over the past 5 years?

Child abuse is more difficult to determine the true statistics because those reporting the abuse are often outside of the home, however still, 3.6 million referrals are made a year. Both sexual assault and child abuse are issues that render discomfort and disbelief when discussed so it takes an extensive amount of courage to speak up and tell someone what has happened. The stigma of shame and displaced guilt often keep the victim quiet and fearful.
However, the more we can bring awareness to both issues, especially during Sexual Assault Awareness and Child Abuse Prevention month, the louder survivors can be with their stories, and the more prevalent the issue can become in the public eye. The statistics (from what is reported) rarely change. 1 out of 6 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime and 15% of them will be under the age of 12 the first time they are assaulted. Often when one is assaulted the shame and guilt are embedded so deep that their defenses become lower and they find themselves in the same situation repeatedly throughout their lifetime.

These crimes continue to remain high in numbers because it is such a difficult and uncomfortable subject. We must pay attention and react and respond instead of turning a blind eye when we notice something out of the ordinary, or when a friend admits to an assault.

One young man confided when he was a freshman in college and rushing a fraternity he walked out of the bathroom at his frat house’s party to find a line of his ‘brothers’ waiting to ‘rape’ a young woman in the bedroom. While he didn’t participate, he also didn’t do anything to help the young woman. To do something would have meant to take a stand, to cause waves, and people instinctively shy away from confrontation. Yet that moment missed to help her still haunts the young man today.

These crimes are not fading, yet the more we continue to bring awareness the better chance those listening to other survivors’ stories will be apt to recognize the abuse they are suffering and want to speak out, and or make safer decisions. In bringing awareness we offer the opportunity for survivors to speak out and help others to know that they are not alone and to inform generations to come, encouraging them to get beyond the discomfort of confrontation.
*statistics taken from RAINN and Child Help
What do people need to understand about survivors of abuse?

Survivors of abuse, both male and female, are not fragile. They are strong, worthy individuals who have overcome a great amount of suffering whether it was physical, sexual, or verbal. Every form of abuse affects the person emotionally, lowering their self-esteem and sense of worth. Often survivors will hide or bury the facts and the deep effects of the abuse out of fear, shame, and lack of support. The best way for a survivor to heal from the abuse is to give a voice to what has been done or said to them; to be heard and to know they are supported and loved.

What has inspired you to reach out to others?

I am a survivor of rape and incest. The years I kept the facts of these traumas within me led me down some dark paths that were filled with bad decisions based on my lack of worth and self-esteem. I want to educate and reach out to other survivors before they get entangled in that dark path and make decisions that can affect them for the rest of their life, adding to the trauma of what has been done or said to them in the past.

Why do you feel it is important for you to share your story?

When I began to live my life in the freedom of being a survivor, no longer tethered to chains of negativity, pessimism, and insecurity, I realized how much I longed to see others free from these same chains. I knew the only way to reach others was to tell my story in its truth and entirety. What affected me in my healing process was to hear other stories similar to mine and to witness their successful triumph and victory overcoming their past. I began to realize if they could do it, I could too. I want to share both the stumbling and the victories so that others can relate and recognize that they can also be victorious over their past.

How has sharing your story with others helped you in your journey to healing?

The more you share the truth about your experience the easier it is to accept it and move passed it in order to embrace your present and future. By sharing my story through speaking to groups and leading retreats, I find that it gives me strength and fortifies the healing process. What has been ‘done’ to me is a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define who I am. In fact, I’ve come to the place where I can thank God for every aspect of my life, the dark and ugly moments, along with the joyous times, because He has brought good from it all and allowed me to recognize that I am stronger because of it.

Low self-esteem, especially among teens, has become a national epidemic. What do you want someone struggling with feelings of low self-worth to understand?

My instinct is to respond, “You are worthy! You are unique and there is no one else in this world just like you and this world needs you and the skills and talents YOU have because each one of us has been given a specific purpose to use these talents and gifts and no one can replace you.”

But I also have been in a place that I have felt extreme unworthiness and insecurity. I know that if I heard someone say that I’d doubt what those talents or gifts were, because I wasn’t like everyone else. To that I say, “Would being like everyone else make you happy? Would going against who you are, what sparks interest and joy inside of you just to get others attention bring you joy? Most likely not.”

In this day and age of social media, self-worth is defined by the number of followers we have on Instagram or how many ‘likes’ they give to your posts. It is important to realize that those are numbers and most of those people have so many numbers because they ‘follow’ and ‘like’ everyone just to get more numbers. When it comes down to knowing you, who knows you best?

You, my friend, are worthy of life and others would be so lucky to know you, who you really are and share in the gifts and talents you’ve been given.

What is your goal with Hopeful Hearts Ministry and what motivated you to start it?

Hopeful Hearts Ministry aids the long-term recovery of survivors of abuse through peer support sessions, counseling, and public awareness services. Our faith-based care alleviates suffering and helps restore confidence and self-worth.

When I was called into speaking on a national and international level on various topics regarding faith, the most popular message I gave, the one that resonated best with audiences at least, was when I spoke of my own personal journey, the abuse I incurred and how I overcame the stigma of shame attached.

As the years progressed and my voice became stronger, God led me to more and more opportunities to work with survivors of all ages, especially those in my generation and generations ahead of me who were taught to keep skeletons in the closet. It became very clear that there was a desperate need to empower all survivors to have a voice, to educate the world on what abuse is, to teach others how to listen to those who have suffered abuse, and to learn how to stop the generational cycle of abuse. In 2012 a friend said to me, “Why don’t you start a non-profit? Think what more you could do.” Hence, Hopeful Hearts Ministry was formed.

Tell us about the I Have a Voice project and the feedback you have received from viewers.

In 2013, I realized the importance of a survivor speaking truth and being heard. I decided to create the “I Have a Voice” YouTube video series, revealing 5 emotionally-charged personal stories of survivors of abuse. This hope-filled project consists of intensely moving interrelated videos, all with a collective purpose to help victims to overcome their past and be empowered to move forward. Men and women have responded as a result of the videos, expressing their gratitude in knowing they are not alone. They are empowered to move forward in their lives. Since 2013 we have added 2 more I Have a Voice Videos. From one male viewer:

I came across your website yesterday and was very moved to listen to your short YouTube video “I Have a Voice – Childhood sexual abuse and forgiveness”.

Your sharing of your story, your truth, was very powerful. I especially liked the part where you defended the (any) abused child by saying “it’s not right” (to take away the voice of a child).

That really hit home and I was moved by your honesty, courage, and willingness to stand up for and speak out on behalf of the abused child. ~ James, TX
Shannon M. Deitz is the award-winning author of Exposed: Inexcusable Me, Irreplaceable Him and Redeemed. She was recently listed as one of the best authors in Houston by CBS Houston Radio.

For more information about Shannon Deitz and Hopeful Hearts Ministry, please visit her website:

www.HopefulHeartsMinistry.com

I Have a Voice

This may be used with permission and credit attributed to Shannon M. Deitz, Hopeful Hearts Ministry 2017.

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Domestic Violence Abuse Awareness

Survivors of abuse, both men and women, are not fragile individuals. They are strong, worthy individuals who have overcome a great amount of suffering whether it was physical, sexual, or verbal. Every single form of abuse affects the person emotionally, lowering their self-esteem and sense of worth. Often survivors hide or bury the facts and the deep effects of the abuse out of fear, shame, and lack of support. The best way for a survivor to heal from the affects of the abuse is to give a voice to what has been done or said to them; to be heard and to know they are supported and loved.  Below is helpful information for all of us who know a survivor.

Giving a Voice to Domestic Abuse Survivors
Whether they were a child, teenager or an adult, domestic abuse causes the victim(s) to keep quiet out of shame, fear and guilt. A victim needs the ability to speak about what is or has been done to them without question or judgment.

Frozen rather than Fight or Flight
When in danger, we often assume the natural response is to fight back or run. However, when abuse is involved (sexual or physical), there are scientific neurological studies that prove a ‘frozen’ response takes place as a result of the flood of adrenaline and hormones.

They literally can’t think to run, fight or even scream. When survivors of child abuse, sexual assault, or domestic abuse understand this, it helps to ease the undeserved shame of the victim. It also helps validate the victim who is struggling with “why they stayed or let it happen”.

Triggers and Repressed Memories
Survivors of domestic abuse are often survivors of abuse as a children or teens and have often suppressed their abuse. Overcoming and escaping a domestic abusive situation can often unlock these memories.
Counseling is Key in Healing Process
Survivors of abuse are 3x more likely to suffer depression. Given an outlet to talk about the abuse releases the shame, fear and feelings of unworthiness. Talking to a counselor can help guide them through the healing process.

The healing process for an abuse survivor is similar to that of someone suffering grief. They need to feel safe, experiencing the sadness of the loss of their childhood innocence, their virginity or security, whatever it is the abuse took from them. Then they need to have the freedom to experience righteous anger and eventually be led down the path to forgiveness of both the perpetrator and themselves.

Don’t be Afraid to Help a Survivor of DMV Create an Escape Plan
Survivors want to know they will be safe and protected. Many have no idea what the first step should be or where they should turn. Find the nearest shelter and walk with them on the journey to make an escape plan.

Survivors Can Live a Normal Life
If you have suffered any form of abuse at any point in your life, you can overcome its debilitating effects. The more you talk about what has been done to you, the more you will heal. Although it will never ‘disappear’ from your past, it will be a chapter of your life that can be closed. The more you keep the shame, guilt and fear locked away, the more power you continue to give the perpetrator and the more likely you will continue to remain their victim.

Abuse Doesn’t Define a Survivor
Often survivors take on what has been done to them as a part of who they are and they live in a victim mentality feeling as if nothing good will ever happen to them, that they are unworthy or not good enough.

For more information visit www.HopefulHeartsMinistry.com

Awareness Can Help Stop Child Abuse and Sexual Assault

about shannon2April National Sexual Assault Awareness month, as well as National Child Abuse Prevention month in recognition of the pervasiveness of sexual assault nationwide. Sexual violence, including child sexual abuse, spans across all ages, genders, races, ethnicities, and economic backgrounds. According to a Child Maltreatment report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Children’s Bureau, 60,956 cases of child sexual abuse were reported in the United States in 2013. On top of the guilt and shame that abuse can bring, most victims know their attackers, which can lead them to be silent about their traumatic experience. Staying silent, however, does not lead to healing, according to Shannon Deitz, abuse survivor and founder of Hopeful Hearts Ministry.

Survivors of abuse are not fragile individuals. They are strong, worthy individuals who have overcome a great amount of suffering whether it was physical, sexual, or verbal. Every form of abuse affects the person emotionally, lowering self-esteem and sense of worth. Often survivors hide or bury the facts and the deep effects of the abuse out of fear, shame, and lack of support. The best way for a survivor to heal is to give a voice to what has been done or said to them; to be heard and to know they are supported and loved. Shannon M. Deitz

Q&A with Shannon M. Deitz Abuse Survivor, Founder of Hopeful Hearts Part 1

What has inspired you to reach out to others?

I am a survivor of rape and incest. The years I kept the facts of these traumas within me led me down some dark paths that were filled with bad decisions based on my lack of worth and self-esteem. I want to educate and reach out to other survivors before they get entangled in that dark path and make decisions that can affect them for the rest of their life, adding to the trauma of what has been done or said to them in the past.

Your book, Exposed: Inexcusable Me…Irreplaceable Him, is a no-holds-barred accounting of your personal self-destructive journey and how, with God’s help, you triumphed. Why do you feel it is important for you to share your story?

When I began to live my life in the freedom of being a survivor, no longer tethered to chains of negativity, pessimism, and insecurity, I realized how much I longed to see others free from these same chains. I knew the only way to reach others was to tell my story in its truth and entirety. What helped in my healing process was to hear other stories similar to mine and to witness their successful triumph and victory overcoming their past. I began to realize if they could do it, I could too. By writing EXPOSED I wanted to share both the stumbling and the victories so that others could relate and recognize that they could also be victorious.

How has sharing your story with others helped you in your journey to healing?

The more you share the truth about your experience the easier it is to accept it and move passed it in order to embrace your present and future. By sharing my story I find that it gives me strength and fortifies the healing process. What has been ‘done’ to me is a part of who I am, but it doesn’t define who I am. In fact, I’ve come to the place where I can thank God for every aspect of my life, the dark and ugly moments, along with the joyous times, because He has brought good from it all and allowed me to recognize that I am stronger because of it.

www.HopefulHeartsMinistry.com

I Have a Voice: Miguel

Miguel’s video focus’ on healing and returning to faith after suffering physical, spiritual and emotional abuse.
The I Have a Voice Video Project is set to help survivors of abuse:

  • Recognize the abuse they have suffered and bring it out of the darkness and into the light.
  • Understand they are not alone and the abuse they have endured does not define the person that they are; and
  • Overcome being a victim and realize the full potential of their lives.

For more information visit www.hopefulheartsministry.com
Video #4 of 6

I Have a Voice: Laura

Laura was shot by her husband with a shotgun in the stomach and survived. She gives a VOICE to the real danger of domestic violence. It isn’t always physical – the verbal and emotional abuse can lead to great tragedy.
The I Have a Voice Video Project is set to help survivors of abuse:

  • Recognize the abuse they have suffered and bring it out of the darkness and into the light.
  • Understand they are not alone and the abuse they have endured does not define the person that they are; and
  • Overcome being a victim and realize the full potential of their lives.

For more information visit www.hopefulheartsministry.com
Video #5 of 5

I Have a Voice: Holly

Emotionally abused and neglected as a child which led to a cycle of abusive adult relationships, Holly speaks out and shares her story.
The I Have a Voice Video Project is set to help survivors of abuse:

  • Recognize the abuse they have suffered and bring it out of the darkness and into the light.
  • Understand they are not alone and the abuse they have endured does not define the person that they are; and
  • Overcome being a victim and realize the full potential of their lives.

For more information visit www.hopefulheartsministry.com
Video #3 of 5